"Encouraging you to deal with your traumas,

before your traumas deal with you!"


Blog Layout

THE DADDY ISSUE

Dionne Simpson-Amuah • Dec 12, 2018
Fathers, dads and daddy’s. For the majority of us, these titles provide a sense warmth, love and protection.

For this episode and blog, I wanted to focus on fathers. I jump at the opportunity to have an open discussion with men about their issues, because it is rarely done. This is even more apparent in the Black community and something that needs to be highlighted at every opportunity.

I am a firm believer that our parents ultimately mould us into the adults we become.


Our identities that form from our DNA, to our preference in foods, movements and the silent voices in our heads. Our foundation of those two relationships are imperative to our development and wellbeing.


However, we are not all afforded the opportunity to have two loving and well balanced parents in the home.

When it comes to the notion of broken families, fathers are very often in the firing line. Whilst single mothers are still discriminated against to this day, the blame isn’t always necessarily placed at their door. Women are seen as heroic martyrs who somehow manage to work every hour god sends, keep the home running, find time for themselves and provide all of the emotional support required from their children.


Women are often coined with being ’emotional’. 


Biologically, this is true. Women are purposely wired to be the carer when it comes to child rearing, but men have also been wired to be providers and disciplinarians.


So, why is it that so many men find it difficult to honour their side of this life long partnership once a relationship breaks down?


It’s fair to say that we all probably know of a ‘feckless father’ or two, whether it be an uncle, cousin, a friends ex-partner and maybe even your own father!


Whilst this isn’t anything new, we are now seeing even more-so, the detrimental effects of fractures in the family.

This platform is primarily based around highlighting emotional traumas. I do not believe that every absent or non-consistent father just cannot be bothered. There is usually a few layers of past traumas from their own childhoods, traumas as adults, depression, anxiety, poverty or lack of sufficient finances, drug or alcohol abuse, guilt, lack of education and a lack of purpose.


I believe that if you take away a mans ability to provide, you undoubtedly assist in creating a broken man. A broken man leads to a whole host of other issues (see the list above again).


Now please, do not come for my neck. You may just be a single mother having to handle things yourself and think I’m making excuses. Not in the slightest!


However, until we seek understanding we cannot fix this problem. The rhetoric of simply calling shit fathers all types negative slurs hasn’t aided their change. So maybe we need to try a new approach?


I applaud platforms such as ‘The Daddy Series’ who are trying to make a positive change in advising their peers and younger fathers coming up. There is not enough of these.


We have spoken about co-parenting previously in season one and explored how poor co-parenting can lead to problems in school and serious youth violence.


In the UK and particularly London, there appears to be a movement amongst men to get things right again. Whether it be through community organised groups or platforms similar to Love Laid Bare, men are taking the reigns again.


I read a book that I rediscovered this year called, ‘The Celestine Prophecies’ and it talks about the energy that is required in raising children. I won’t go too much into it but it serves as a very good eye-opening read into the additional needs a child has that we may not be too familiar with.


Sometimes we can be so bound by our hate, disappointment and rage towards the man who left us as a child or left us with one, that we don’t really stop to ask how or why this happened.


I honestly do not expect every reader to overstand what I’m trying to say. It is hard to look at a situation objectively when you are hurt and your children are hurting also. 


I am also not for one second saying that I have the answers, but what I do know is that communicating is always the first step. Understanding someones behaviour can also (sometimes) assist in your own healing. You may not agree, but objectively you can at least see things from their clouded vision and perspective.


I have learnt that trying to get an answer out of a closed book with agitation and anger will not flutter the pages.


We can continue to fight over the fence or we can at least try to exchange a note or two. Next season we will delve even deeper into the male psyche so please stay tuned in and continue with me on this journey.


Men need to make their peers accountable for their lack of presence. This isn’t a time for being judgemental and bashing the man that is already down. Lift up and encourage him. Oftentimes, people are desperate to make a change but fear rejection and simply don’t know how to.


I also want to applaud the fathers that have always done what they’re meant to do despite the challenges, and the ones trying to make a change. I also offer my hand to those that want to but do not know where to start.



Don’t forget to subscribe to the blog and the podcast platforms. We are on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and Soundcloud.

As always thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy this weeks episode!


Take care of yourselves!

Dionne 


by Dionne Simpson 13 Jul, 2022
personally, as soon as I was faced with the notion that my relationship with my ex-husband would not survive, we discussed at length how we would conduct ourselves. We discussed finances, how we would deal with future relationships, mutually agreed on how we would parent and left no stone unturned. our daughters well-being was the priority and everything else came afterwards. yet, despite these discussions and writing things on paper, we still faced some of the same hurdles that millions of other co-parents do. sometimes it is nearly impossible to avoid friction at some point in the journey, particularly when everything is fresh and new to everyone. one question I always ask myself when it comes to co-parenting in the face of adversity is, 'does this benefit my daughter?' . if the answer is no, I just won't allow myself to behave or respond in a way that is detrimental to her or the co-parenting relationship. does that mean I back down? no. but what it means is that I approach all conversations and disagreements respectfully and as calmly as possible. a breakdown in healthy communication gets neither party anywhere, and if both are sincere and care enough, the Childs needs will always come first. realistically, Things may not always go smoothly when co-parenting. It helps to be clear about what your most important goals are for the future. Here are two that you might want to consider: To commit to supporting your children in having a free and uncomplicated relationship with the other parent. To keep whatever feelings you have about each other separate from your co-parenting relationship. These principles can serve as foundations for everything you do as co-parents.
by Dionne Simpson 06 Jul, 2022
this episode is probably the hardest one I have ever published, but quitting my corporate role was one of my biggest acts of self care. even as I type this, I am feeling quite sad and vulnerable. nothing has been more damaging to my self esteem than working in the insurance industry. some people may watch, read or listen to this episode and say that I am a fool for staying as long as I did, or that maybe I should have taken this company to an employment tribunal. however, back then terms such as 'microaggressions' or 'covert racism' were not that popular and how I would even build a case against them? how could I cite that their refusal to give me a blackberry to do my job efficiently was a sign of racism? had this been in more recent times, maybe things may have been different, but I am also a strong believer that everything happens for a reason. I had people close to me scorn me for leaving without finding something else, but 'who the cap fits, let them wear it!'. I was drained, exhausted, broken and I mentally could not go on. despite the negative responses I received, all that mattered to me was that my then husband was supportive of my decisions and he backed me all the way. I must credit him for his understanding at that time and I am grateful for the space he gave me to get back on my feet.
Dionne Love Laid Bare Podcast
by Dionne Simpson 22 Jun, 2022
Episode 2, season 8! The Orgasm Gap
by Dionne Simpson-Amuah 21 Apr, 2021
In this week's episode I am joined by returnee guest, Lorraine Whyte, to discuss the benefits and insight that numerology can give you, alongside identifying any trauma that may need to be worked upon. Discussion points: -Numerology and its definition -How numerology offers insight to your life's purpose and beyond -Can you change your life's plan? -The truth about manifesting -Dionne gets her own personal reading & forecast for 2021 -Trauma and karmic lessons -Numerology for business -Angel numbers
by Dionne Simpson 07 Apr, 2021
Quite simply, sex with the right person that aligns with you can be a very fulfilling experience. UNFORTUNATELY, THE MESSAGES THAT WE HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOCIETY, CULTURE AND RELIGION MAY HAVE ALTERED OUR VIEW OF SEX AND NOT ALWAYS IN THE RIGHT WAY.
by Dionne Simpson 02 Apr, 2021
We’ve discussed having a stepfather from a child’s perspective, absentee fathers (again from the child’s perspective) as well as the challenges of co-parenting. For this episode and blog, I wanted to talk to the men who had struggled for various reasons whilst having their children relatively young. As I was writing this blog, my uncle just happened to be at my parents’ house, so I invited him to share his thoughts on the topic. He had his first son at 21 and struggled to maintain a relationship with his eldest son until he was old enough to come and look for him.
by Dionne Simpson 24 Mar, 2021
As i mention at the top of this episode, i have wanted to explore this topic for a while. i know the limits of my spiritual knowledge and therefore needed to have this discussion with someone who knows their stuff unapologetically. growing up in a christian family, attending church every sunday and going to a faith based school surely should have kept me within the borders of my religion. yet, from a young age i just knew that there were some things that didn't sit right or make sense to me.
by Dionne Simpson 17 Mar, 2021
in this episode of a dose of dionne, i reflect on some of the experiences i have had with meeting new people. Having been 'out of the game' for a while, i don't think i genuinely had a good idea about the interactions people have in the dating world. i can honestly say that i have met some truly amazing people and each person has given me some food for thought or added to my growth as a person. I refer to a previous episode with victor granville called the search for real love which goes a bit deeper into some of the things i mention in this episode. Please have a listen if you need to!
by Dionne Simpson 10 Mar, 2021
In this weeks episode I am joined by Nicole Henry, child psychologist and therapist as we discuss how we can adopt better ways in parenting. you can follow or get into contact with nicole on instagram or via her website - www.thenicolehenry.com the episode is available to listen below:
by Dionne Simpson 03 Mar, 2021
For me to dedicate a whole episode to a TV series, my regular listeners will know that I must be quite rattled. Lol! Behind her eyes was a brilliant series, a frustrating series and an ‘Oh My God’ type of psychological series. This is a spoiler alert so if you have not watched the series or if you intend on watching the series, please do not listen to this episode. I repeat, do not listen to this episode!! This is a VERY candid, off the cuff episode so please be warned there will be some profanity used because the series was that good!!!
More posts
Share by: