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SPARE THE ROD & SPOIL THE CHILD?
Dionne Simpson-Amuah • 23 July 2019
When I would think about my future children and how I would raise them, physical discipline was almost as obvious as me sending them to school.
Even the bible quotes, ‘Spare the rod and spoil the child!’. So surely the bible cannot be wrong? I was smacked/hit when I was growing up and I turned out fine, right? This is what we do as parents, we hit our children to correct their behaviour, as its always done out of love.
During my pregnancy I spent a lot of time doing research about how I could give my baby the best start in life in every which way. How could I ensure that I didn’t hinder her brain development whilst inside the womb and what could I do to maintain that?
I can’t remember when it was that I made the decision not to hit my child to be, but it was almost like an awakening.
I had come across a few articles that suggested that, particularly within the African diaspora, the brutal beating of children was not commonly practiced pre slavery & colonial times. Apparently, children were revered as much as the elders and should a child do something wrong, it was down to these same elders and parents to correct them.
Over the years and with the rise of social media, we often come across videos of parents inflicting harsh beatings on their children. It always strikes me as odd that a parent would want to film such an ordeal for future entertainment or to merely embarrass their child. I made a video on this recently (click here to watch).
"I can’t remember when it was that I made the decision not to hit my child to be, but it was almost like an awakening"
There are often meme’s and posts that declare that if parents were allowed to beat their children, we wouldn’t have all this warfare on our streets. I beg to differ. Parents are still very much beating and smacking their children, but perhaps its the method that is outdated with the current times we are living in?
Week after week I hear stories of adults who were beaten in their childhoods, who are still very much traumatised by it. As adults we act out our traumas in various ways, which can then later on affect our children.
"Violence often breeds violence"
I am by no means declaring that if you are to administer a calm, light smack to the back of your child’s legs or hands that this will turn them into a violent thug later on down the line. However, it is a fact that children that are exposed to violence within the home are more likely to either become the perpetrators of said violence or future victims themselves.
Once upon a time it was perfectly legitimate for a husband to chastise his wife as he saw fit, yet less than fifty to a hundred years later, there are organisations fighting for Womens rights against domestic violence.
What really is the difference when it comes to children? Why does it seem so absurd to some that the art of communication alone cannot bring a child into line?
This week I am joined by Psychotherapist Celestina Oniye-Thomas, founder of Floating Counselling and Author of ‘Art Of Discipling With Love’. This week we discuss the psychological and physiological implications of hitting your children.
Listen here or click on our Ways To Listen page. Don’t forget to subscribe!
What are your thoughts on discipling your children? Drop your comments below.
Thank you for all of your support and as always I hope you enjoy as well as take something away from this episode.
Take Care
Dionne xx
personally, as soon as I was faced with the notion that my relationship with my ex-husband would not survive, we discussed at length how we would conduct ourselves. We discussed finances, how we would deal with future relationships, mutually agreed on how we would parent and left no stone unturned. our daughters well-being was the priority and everything else came afterwards. yet, despite these discussions and writing things on paper, we still faced some of the same hurdles that millions of other co-parents do. sometimes it is nearly impossible to avoid friction at some point in the journey, particularly when everything is fresh and new to everyone. one question I always ask myself when it comes to co-parenting in the face of adversity is, 'does this benefit my daughter?' . if the answer is no, I just won't allow myself to behave or respond in a way that is detrimental to her or the co-parenting relationship. does that mean I back down? no. but what it means is that I approach all conversations and disagreements respectfully and as calmly as possible. a breakdown in healthy communication gets neither party anywhere, and if both are sincere and care enough, the Childs needs will always come first. realistically, Things may not always go smoothly when co-parenting. It helps to be clear about what your most important goals are for the future. Here are two that you might want to consider: To commit to supporting your children in having a free and uncomplicated relationship with the other parent. To keep whatever feelings you have about each other separate from your co-parenting relationship. These principles can serve as foundations for everything you do as co-parents.
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