"Encouraging you to deal with your traumas,

before your traumas deal with you!"


Blog Layout

SPARE THE ROD & SPOIL THE CHILD?

Dionne Simpson-Amuah • Jul 23, 2019
When I would think about my future children and how I would raise them, physical discipline was almost as obvious as me sending them to school.

Even the bible quotes, ‘Spare the rod and spoil the child!’. So surely the bible cannot be wrong? I was smacked/hit when I was growing up and I turned out fine, right? This is what we do as parents, we hit our children to correct their behaviour, as its always done out of love.

During my pregnancy I spent a lot of time doing research about how I could give my baby the best start in life in every which way. How could I ensure that I didn’t hinder her brain development whilst inside the womb and what could I do to maintain that?

I can’t remember when it was that I made the decision not to hit my child to be, but it was almost like an awakening.

I had come across a few articles that suggested that, particularly within the African diaspora, the brutal beating of children was not commonly practiced pre slavery & colonial times. Apparently, children were revered as much as the elders and should a child do something wrong, it was down to these same elders and parents to correct them.

Over the years and with the rise of social media, we often come across videos of parents inflicting harsh beatings on their children. It always strikes me as odd that a parent would want to film such an ordeal for future entertainment or to merely embarrass their child. I made a video on this recently (click here to watch).

"I can’t remember when it was that I made the decision not to hit my child to be, but it was almost like an awakening"

There are often meme’s and posts that declare that if parents were allowed to beat their children, we wouldn’t have all this warfare on our streets. I beg to differ. Parents are still very much beating and smacking their children, but perhaps its the method that is outdated with the current times we are living in?

Week after week I hear stories of adults who were beaten in their childhoods, who are still very much traumatised by it. As adults we act out our traumas in various ways, which can then later on affect our children.

"Violence often breeds violence"

I am by no means declaring that if you are to administer a calm, light smack to the back of your child’s legs or hands that this will turn them into a violent thug later on down the line. However, it is a fact that children that are exposed to violence within the home are more likely to either become the perpetrators of said violence or future victims themselves.

Once upon a time it was perfectly legitimate for a husband to chastise his wife as he saw fit, yet less than fifty to a hundred years later, there are organisations fighting for Womens rights against domestic violence.

What really is the difference when it comes to children? Why does it seem so absurd to some that the art of communication alone cannot bring a child into line?

This week I am joined by Psychotherapist Celestina Oniye-Thomas, founder of Floating Counselling and Author of ‘Art Of Discipling With Love’. This week we discuss the psychological and physiological implications of hitting your children.
Art of discipling with love Celestina Oniye-Thomas

Listen here or click on our Ways To Listen page. Don’t forget to subscribe!


What are your thoughts on discipling your children? Drop your comments below.


Thank you for all of your support and as always I hope you enjoy as well as take something away from this episode.


Take Care


Dionne xx


by Dionne Simpson 13 Jul, 2022
personally, as soon as I was faced with the notion that my relationship with my ex-husband would not survive, we discussed at length how we would conduct ourselves. We discussed finances, how we would deal with future relationships, mutually agreed on how we would parent and left no stone unturned. our daughters well-being was the priority and everything else came afterwards. yet, despite these discussions and writing things on paper, we still faced some of the same hurdles that millions of other co-parents do. sometimes it is nearly impossible to avoid friction at some point in the journey, particularly when everything is fresh and new to everyone. one question I always ask myself when it comes to co-parenting in the face of adversity is, 'does this benefit my daughter?' . if the answer is no, I just won't allow myself to behave or respond in a way that is detrimental to her or the co-parenting relationship. does that mean I back down? no. but what it means is that I approach all conversations and disagreements respectfully and as calmly as possible. a breakdown in healthy communication gets neither party anywhere, and if both are sincere and care enough, the Childs needs will always come first. realistically, Things may not always go smoothly when co-parenting. It helps to be clear about what your most important goals are for the future. Here are two that you might want to consider: To commit to supporting your children in having a free and uncomplicated relationship with the other parent. To keep whatever feelings you have about each other separate from your co-parenting relationship. These principles can serve as foundations for everything you do as co-parents.
by Dionne Simpson 06 Jul, 2022
this episode is probably the hardest one I have ever published, but quitting my corporate role was one of my biggest acts of self care. even as I type this, I am feeling quite sad and vulnerable. nothing has been more damaging to my self esteem than working in the insurance industry. some people may watch, read or listen to this episode and say that I am a fool for staying as long as I did, or that maybe I should have taken this company to an employment tribunal. however, back then terms such as 'microaggressions' or 'covert racism' were not that popular and how I would even build a case against them? how could I cite that their refusal to give me a blackberry to do my job efficiently was a sign of racism? had this been in more recent times, maybe things may have been different, but I am also a strong believer that everything happens for a reason. I had people close to me scorn me for leaving without finding something else, but 'who the cap fits, let them wear it!'. I was drained, exhausted, broken and I mentally could not go on. despite the negative responses I received, all that mattered to me was that my then husband was supportive of my decisions and he backed me all the way. I must credit him for his understanding at that time and I am grateful for the space he gave me to get back on my feet.
Dionne Love Laid Bare Podcast
by Dionne Simpson 22 Jun, 2022
Episode 2, season 8! The Orgasm Gap
by Dionne Simpson-Amuah 21 Apr, 2021
In this week's episode I am joined by returnee guest, Lorraine Whyte, to discuss the benefits and insight that numerology can give you, alongside identifying any trauma that may need to be worked upon. Discussion points: -Numerology and its definition -How numerology offers insight to your life's purpose and beyond -Can you change your life's plan? -The truth about manifesting -Dionne gets her own personal reading & forecast for 2021 -Trauma and karmic lessons -Numerology for business -Angel numbers
by Dionne Simpson 07 Apr, 2021
Quite simply, sex with the right person that aligns with you can be a very fulfilling experience. UNFORTUNATELY, THE MESSAGES THAT WE HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOCIETY, CULTURE AND RELIGION MAY HAVE ALTERED OUR VIEW OF SEX AND NOT ALWAYS IN THE RIGHT WAY.
by Dionne Simpson 02 Apr, 2021
We’ve discussed having a stepfather from a child’s perspective, absentee fathers (again from the child’s perspective) as well as the challenges of co-parenting. For this episode and blog, I wanted to talk to the men who had struggled for various reasons whilst having their children relatively young. As I was writing this blog, my uncle just happened to be at my parents’ house, so I invited him to share his thoughts on the topic. He had his first son at 21 and struggled to maintain a relationship with his eldest son until he was old enough to come and look for him.
by Dionne Simpson 24 Mar, 2021
As i mention at the top of this episode, i have wanted to explore this topic for a while. i know the limits of my spiritual knowledge and therefore needed to have this discussion with someone who knows their stuff unapologetically. growing up in a christian family, attending church every sunday and going to a faith based school surely should have kept me within the borders of my religion. yet, from a young age i just knew that there were some things that didn't sit right or make sense to me.
by Dionne Simpson 17 Mar, 2021
in this episode of a dose of dionne, i reflect on some of the experiences i have had with meeting new people. Having been 'out of the game' for a while, i don't think i genuinely had a good idea about the interactions people have in the dating world. i can honestly say that i have met some truly amazing people and each person has given me some food for thought or added to my growth as a person. I refer to a previous episode with victor granville called the search for real love which goes a bit deeper into some of the things i mention in this episode. Please have a listen if you need to!
by Dionne Simpson 10 Mar, 2021
In this weeks episode I am joined by Nicole Henry, child psychologist and therapist as we discuss how we can adopt better ways in parenting. you can follow or get into contact with nicole on instagram or via her website - www.thenicolehenry.com the episode is available to listen below:
by Dionne Simpson 03 Mar, 2021
For me to dedicate a whole episode to a TV series, my regular listeners will know that I must be quite rattled. Lol! Behind her eyes was a brilliant series, a frustrating series and an ‘Oh My God’ type of psychological series. This is a spoiler alert so if you have not watched the series or if you intend on watching the series, please do not listen to this episode. I repeat, do not listen to this episode!! This is a VERY candid, off the cuff episode so please be warned there will be some profanity used because the series was that good!!!
More posts
Share by: