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WHY THERAPY FOR CHILDREN IS VITAL
Dionne Simpson-Amuah • Dec 11, 2019
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It wasn’t until my most recent bout of talking therapy that I really understood how my childhood shaped so many of my ideals way into my mid thirties. Sometimes, until someone holds a mirror up to you and allows YOU to question your self-beliefs and methods of thinking, you just don’t have any idea why you operate how you do (particularly for the worse).
Without going into too much detail, I had an engrained thought that all men were unfaithful and cheating was almost part & parcel of an adult relationship. It was better the devil you know…..
Growing up I had a wealth of culture around me. Born to Jamaican parents who came to the UK in the late 60’s, everything from family, parties, food was very rich in the culture. So it wasn’t until I started infant school that I really had to deal with how different I was. I was the only black girl in my year from the start until the end of primary school. Although I loved school, I initially struggled to form friendships with the other girls, yet I’d always been a confident child from what I remember. I remember sitting in the classroom floor listening to the teacher and two girls (who later became very good friends of mine) laughed at my hair which was canerowed. They said I was bald in-between my plaits looool!
Im laughing now because it was so ludicrous, but at the time, my 5 year old self was heartbroken. No one had ever made fun of me because of how I looked and moreover, I was NOT BALD!! Or was I? At such a young age you do question things like that.
Whilst there were other boys of Caribbean and African origin, at that age girls tend to stick with girls. So I spent many lunchtimes holding the teachers hand whilst everyone played. My teachers were quite concerned and raised it to my mum, who I vaguely remember asking me why I wasn’t playing with the other children.
I don’t remember when it happened but I eventually made friends and became quite popular as the years went by. As the eldest in the year and my fondness for choreography, I found my place and for the most part was happy.
My Weight Ballooned
Again, Im not sure when and how it happened, but my weight ballooned. I sustained a fair amount of bullying for being chubby but always managed to brush it off because the Jamaican in me still had a level of confidence that wouldn’t reduce itself.
Now, keeping it real, anyone that has known me over the last 30 years would never have called me ‘slim’ at any time. Slimmer, ‘you’ve lost weight’ but never slim. My brother was always slim and my parents were just average, so I never understood why I looked the way I did. Even my aunts, uncles and cousins were of a slim build so there was still no logic to it.
I often wonder if the opportunity for me to have therapy at such a young age, how much difference that could’ve made to my weight for example. Had things at home and/or school pushed me into comfort eating? My mum and dad both did shift work so there were oftentimes we were left alone. Did I comfort eat out of boredom? Was it the fact that I was chubby that dissuaded from taking up things like gymnastics, netball or athletics like the other children? Was my actual confidence that knocked that I just always opted out?
‘You Don’t Love Yourself!’
Grrrrrrrrrr! When my therapist offered that conclusion to me I was LIVID! LIVID!!! How dare she! She doesn’t know me? Of course I love myself!!
In my head I’d then break out into:
‘You must not know bout me?
You must not know bout me!’ (shout out to all the Beyonce fans).
But she was absolutely right. I didn’t. When that realisation came, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had no idea what loving myself even looked like. It took for me to goto therapy in my mid thirties and after my first child to realise that I had created a facade. A facade that was ‘I knew the Queen within me’ and all her divinity. I didn’t know shit (excuse my French) and Im still learning as I type this.
Conscious Parenting
My parents did the best they could with the tools they had and that were made available to them. Being a parent myself and armed with the struggles I went through as a child, plus my knowledge acquired around mental wellbeing and wellbeing in general, I make a conscious effort to look at things outside of the box or the norm.
It isn’t yet the norm that we send our children to therapy, much less ourselves, but I will continue to push this platform for parents and parents to be to take it into serious consideration.
Children and young people are dealing with the highest levels of stress in a time where our lives should’ve been made easier because of technology. Trauma displays itself in many different ways and its down to us as parents to acknowledge it and do something about it.
The effects of trauma also may not show up straight away, but with all things, the earlier we nip it in the bud is the easy it will be to prevent it manifesting into self destructive behaviours.
Why Therapy For Children Is Vital
This week I am joined by previous guest Celestina who has practised as a psychotherapist for over 10 years and has worked with children and young people extensively in her career.
Celestina Oniye-Thomas, Founder of Floating Counselling.
In this episode we discuss:
– Could therapy be the missing link in stemming the fuel of violence amongst inner city children involved in knife crime?
– Why some people are not open to therapy.
– What a typical session looks like.
– What key transition phases during nursery and school years are beneficial
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If you would like to get into contact with Celestina you can find her at:
Website – www.floatingcounselling.co.uk
Instagram – @floating_bodymindsoul
Facebook – Floating Counselling
You can purchase her book ‘The Art of Disciplining With Love’ from all reputable book stores.
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If you’re looking for a Black or Asian therapist please contact www.baatn.org.uk
If you have any questions or would like to discuss podcast sponsorship, email Dionne Simpson at lovelaidbare@gmail.com
The hashtag for the podcast is #lovelaidbare.
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Take care of yourself!
Dionne x
personally, as soon as I was faced with the notion that my relationship with my ex-husband would not survive, we discussed at length how we would conduct ourselves. We discussed finances, how we would deal with future relationships, mutually agreed on how we would parent and left no stone unturned. our daughters well-being was the priority and everything else came afterwards. yet, despite these discussions and writing things on paper, we still faced some of the same hurdles that millions of other co-parents do. sometimes it is nearly impossible to avoid friction at some point in the journey, particularly when everything is fresh and new to everyone. one question I always ask myself when it comes to co-parenting in the face of adversity is, 'does this benefit my daughter?' . if the answer is no, I just won't allow myself to behave or respond in a way that is detrimental to her or the co-parenting relationship. does that mean I back down? no. but what it means is that I approach all conversations and disagreements respectfully and as calmly as possible. a breakdown in healthy communication gets neither party anywhere, and if both are sincere and care enough, the Childs needs will always come first. realistically, Things may not always go smoothly when co-parenting. It helps to be clear about what your most important goals are for the future. Here are two that you might want to consider: To commit to supporting your children in having a free and uncomplicated relationship with the other parent. To keep whatever feelings you have about each other separate from your co-parenting relationship. These principles can serve as foundations for everything you do as co-parents.
this episode is probably the hardest one I have ever published, but quitting my corporate role was one of my biggest acts of self care. even as I type this, I am feeling quite sad and vulnerable. nothing has been more damaging to my self esteem than working in the insurance industry. some people may watch, read or listen to this episode and say that I am a fool for staying as long as I did, or that maybe I should have taken this company to an employment tribunal. however, back then terms such as 'microaggressions' or 'covert racism' were not that popular and how I would even build a case against them? how could I cite that their refusal to give me a blackberry to do my job efficiently was a sign of racism? had this been in more recent times, maybe things may have been different, but I am also a strong believer that everything happens for a reason. I had people close to me scorn me for leaving without finding something else, but 'who the cap fits, let them wear it!'. I was drained, exhausted, broken and I mentally could not go on. despite the negative responses I received, all that mattered to me was that my then husband was supportive of my decisions and he backed me all the way. I must credit him for his understanding at that time and I am grateful for the space he gave me to get back on my feet.
Episode 2, season 8! The Orgasm Gap
In this week's episode I am joined by returnee guest, Lorraine Whyte, to discuss the benefits and insight that numerology can give you, alongside identifying any trauma that may need to be worked upon. Discussion points: -Numerology and its definition -How numerology offers insight to your life's purpose and beyond -Can you change your life's plan? -The truth about manifesting -Dionne gets her own personal reading & forecast for 2021 -Trauma and karmic lessons -Numerology for business -Angel numbers
Quite simply, sex with the right person that aligns with you can be a very fulfilling experience. UNFORTUNATELY, THE MESSAGES THAT WE HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOCIETY, CULTURE AND RELIGION MAY HAVE ALTERED OUR VIEW OF SEX AND NOT ALWAYS IN THE RIGHT WAY.
We’ve discussed having a stepfather from a child’s perspective, absentee fathers (again from the child’s perspective) as well as the challenges of co-parenting. For this episode and blog, I wanted to talk to the men who had struggled for various reasons whilst having their children relatively young. As I was writing this blog, my uncle just happened to be at my parents’ house, so I invited him to share his thoughts on the topic. He had his first son at 21 and struggled to maintain a relationship with his eldest son until he was old enough to come and look for him.
As i mention at the top of this episode, i have wanted to explore this topic for a while. i know the limits of my spiritual knowledge and therefore needed to have this discussion with someone who knows their stuff unapologetically. growing up in a christian family, attending church every sunday and going to a faith based school surely should have kept me within the borders of my religion. yet, from a young age i just knew that there were some things that didn't sit right or make sense to me.
in this episode of a dose of dionne, i reflect on some of the experiences i have had with meeting new people. Having been 'out of the game' for a while, i don't think i genuinely had a good idea about the interactions people have in the dating world. i can honestly say that i have met some truly amazing people and each person has given me some food for thought or added to my growth as a person. I refer to a previous episode with victor granville called the search for real love which goes a bit deeper into some of the things i mention in this episode. Please have a listen if you need to!
In this weeks episode I am joined by Nicole Henry, child psychologist and therapist as we discuss how we can adopt better ways in parenting. you can follow or get into contact with nicole on instagram or via her website - www.thenicolehenry.com the episode is available to listen below:
For me to dedicate a whole episode to a TV series, my regular listeners will know that I must be quite rattled. Lol! Behind her eyes was a brilliant series, a frustrating series and an ‘Oh My God’ type of psychological series. This is a spoiler alert so if you have not watched the series or if you intend on watching the series, please do not listen to this episode. I repeat, do not listen to this episode!! This is a VERY candid, off the cuff episode so please be warned there will be some profanity used because the series was that good!!!
