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MY BODY OR YOURS?
Dionne Simpson-Amuah • Feb 20, 2019
One of my earliest memories of sexual harassment would probably be when I was around 13/14. I say ‘one of’ because there were instances that I probably regarded as ‘normal’.
I had just come from Church Confirmation classes on a Sunday afternoon in November. My friend had come to meet me afterwards and we cut through our local park as we ordinarily would do. We bumped into a boy my friend had a crush on, along with another boy we assumed was his friend. As teenagers do, we stood chatting about nonsense (probably) until dusk started to fall. My friend and her crush said they were just going to the shop on the corner which was no more than 10 meters away.
So there I was, stuck with this random boy, whilst waiting for my friend to come back. Before I knew it, darkness had fallen and here I was stood outside of the park still waiting for my friend to return.
I began to feel awkward. I didn’t know this boy and to bhquite frank, I had no interest or desire to continue a conversation with him. I said goodbye and turned to walk towards the shop to find my friend.
I suddenly felt him tug at my arm. He was trying to pull me into the park which was pitch black at this point.
When in this type of a situation, your brain doesn’t immediately compute that something is wrong. So although I pulled back I automatically thought he was being silly, until he started to pull me aggressively.
Luckily I have always been quite built, even as a young teenager, so I was able to use my body weight to free myself from his grasp. I ran towards the shop to find that my friend wasn’t even there!?!
I panicked, as he had now began to chase me. It felt like I was running for my life and I was no athlete.
Luckily another group of boys were walking towards me and he appeared to fall back on his pursuit. Puffed out at this point and filled with fear, I continued to make my way down the long road in the dark. He was still following me so I quickened my pace as much as I could. I suddenly began to hear the thud of his footsteps behind me and was startled when he grabbed my arm again and said ‘Here, take my number!’.
At some point he had managed to write his number on the back of an old paper bus ticket. My hands physically shook as I took the paper from him and he turned and walked away like nothing had happened. He almost made me feel that I had overreacted, the way he candidly handed over his number.
Still very shaken up, I ran the rest of the way home and didn’t tell anyone. Although not wanting to appear weak (not even to myself), I cried when I got in my room.
I could’ve been raped.
Had I not weighed more than him, he would’ve been able to force me into that park and who knows what could’ve happened? I couldn’t tell anyone because the first question would’ve been, why I’d been outside a park with someone I didn’t know. Whilst I could explain that this wasn’t my intention, people will always look to the girl or woman to explain how she’d even allowed herself to be put in such a position.
So I said nothing, because I blamed myself.
This incident shook me up for a long time and I became very wary about the places I went to. That park was not used as a cut through for many years afterwards.
As parents, we need to do a better job of allowing our children the space to be open with us. I know too many women who have been raped, molested and sexually abused by people known to them, but yet, they have never told their parents or the police.
What is it about this culture that is so keen to protect the perpetrators and almost have a willingness to silence the victims?
I was lucky. Very lucky. I count myself lucky everyday that I have avoided being in a situation where I have been seriously sexually assaulted. I say ‘seriously’ because in my eyes a grope, or an accidental brush of the breast or slap of a bum cheek is mild in comparison to what some other people have gone through. Nonetheless, it is still an infringement of my body and space.
This is my body, not yours!
This week I am joined by Paris who is Domestic Violence Support Worker & is also studying towards her PHD. We discuss her experiences on sexual harassment, rape & her research on FGM.
Listen to this weeks podcast below or visit our ways to listen page for your listening options.
Take care of yourselves and keep that door open for your daughters.
Dionne xx
personally, as soon as I was faced with the notion that my relationship with my ex-husband would not survive, we discussed at length how we would conduct ourselves. We discussed finances, how we would deal with future relationships, mutually agreed on how we would parent and left no stone unturned. our daughters well-being was the priority and everything else came afterwards. yet, despite these discussions and writing things on paper, we still faced some of the same hurdles that millions of other co-parents do. sometimes it is nearly impossible to avoid friction at some point in the journey, particularly when everything is fresh and new to everyone. one question I always ask myself when it comes to co-parenting in the face of adversity is, 'does this benefit my daughter?' . if the answer is no, I just won't allow myself to behave or respond in a way that is detrimental to her or the co-parenting relationship. does that mean I back down? no. but what it means is that I approach all conversations and disagreements respectfully and as calmly as possible. a breakdown in healthy communication gets neither party anywhere, and if both are sincere and care enough, the Childs needs will always come first. realistically, Things may not always go smoothly when co-parenting. It helps to be clear about what your most important goals are for the future. Here are two that you might want to consider: To commit to supporting your children in having a free and uncomplicated relationship with the other parent. To keep whatever feelings you have about each other separate from your co-parenting relationship. These principles can serve as foundations for everything you do as co-parents.
this episode is probably the hardest one I have ever published, but quitting my corporate role was one of my biggest acts of self care. even as I type this, I am feeling quite sad and vulnerable. nothing has been more damaging to my self esteem than working in the insurance industry. some people may watch, read or listen to this episode and say that I am a fool for staying as long as I did, or that maybe I should have taken this company to an employment tribunal. however, back then terms such as 'microaggressions' or 'covert racism' were not that popular and how I would even build a case against them? how could I cite that their refusal to give me a blackberry to do my job efficiently was a sign of racism? had this been in more recent times, maybe things may have been different, but I am also a strong believer that everything happens for a reason. I had people close to me scorn me for leaving without finding something else, but 'who the cap fits, let them wear it!'. I was drained, exhausted, broken and I mentally could not go on. despite the negative responses I received, all that mattered to me was that my then husband was supportive of my decisions and he backed me all the way. I must credit him for his understanding at that time and I am grateful for the space he gave me to get back on my feet.
Episode 2, season 8! The Orgasm Gap
In this week's episode I am joined by returnee guest, Lorraine Whyte, to discuss the benefits and insight that numerology can give you, alongside identifying any trauma that may need to be worked upon. Discussion points: -Numerology and its definition -How numerology offers insight to your life's purpose and beyond -Can you change your life's plan? -The truth about manifesting -Dionne gets her own personal reading & forecast for 2021 -Trauma and karmic lessons -Numerology for business -Angel numbers
Quite simply, sex with the right person that aligns with you can be a very fulfilling experience. UNFORTUNATELY, THE MESSAGES THAT WE HAVE RECEIVED FROM SOCIETY, CULTURE AND RELIGION MAY HAVE ALTERED OUR VIEW OF SEX AND NOT ALWAYS IN THE RIGHT WAY.
We’ve discussed having a stepfather from a child’s perspective, absentee fathers (again from the child’s perspective) as well as the challenges of co-parenting. For this episode and blog, I wanted to talk to the men who had struggled for various reasons whilst having their children relatively young. As I was writing this blog, my uncle just happened to be at my parents’ house, so I invited him to share his thoughts on the topic. He had his first son at 21 and struggled to maintain a relationship with his eldest son until he was old enough to come and look for him.
As i mention at the top of this episode, i have wanted to explore this topic for a while. i know the limits of my spiritual knowledge and therefore needed to have this discussion with someone who knows their stuff unapologetically. growing up in a christian family, attending church every sunday and going to a faith based school surely should have kept me within the borders of my religion. yet, from a young age i just knew that there were some things that didn't sit right or make sense to me.
in this episode of a dose of dionne, i reflect on some of the experiences i have had with meeting new people. Having been 'out of the game' for a while, i don't think i genuinely had a good idea about the interactions people have in the dating world. i can honestly say that i have met some truly amazing people and each person has given me some food for thought or added to my growth as a person. I refer to a previous episode with victor granville called the search for real love which goes a bit deeper into some of the things i mention in this episode. Please have a listen if you need to!
In this weeks episode I am joined by Nicole Henry, child psychologist and therapist as we discuss how we can adopt better ways in parenting. you can follow or get into contact with nicole on instagram or via her website - www.thenicolehenry.com the episode is available to listen below:
For me to dedicate a whole episode to a TV series, my regular listeners will know that I must be quite rattled. Lol! Behind her eyes was a brilliant series, a frustrating series and an ‘Oh My God’ type of psychological series. This is a spoiler alert so if you have not watched the series or if you intend on watching the series, please do not listen to this episode. I repeat, do not listen to this episode!! This is a VERY candid, off the cuff episode so please be warned there will be some profanity used because the series was that good!!!
