I remember hearing this phrase many moons ago, maybe sometime in my early 20’s. I can’t remember exactly who it was that said it, but it was an admission filled with no regrets.
I didn’t understand it at first. Surely, raising your daughter had to incorporate love as well, so if the boys were only being ‘loved’ then surely they were the ones missing out? In theory, somewhat, but what I didn’t understand was that girls (in a general sense) weren’t receiving the same tenderness as their male siblings.
As the conversation continued, I found myself getting agitated. This was an older woman, who should by now see the error of her ways, but she almost continued talking with a hint or pride.
Growing up, I was annoyed about all of the things I had to do, whilst my eldest brother was left to do as he pleased. I remember endless Saturday nights where I would be stood at the ironing board watching evening TV and making my way through bags of clothes. I hated the injustice. HATED IT! Honestly, I would’ve been less riled if the chores and orders were given out equally.
Mind you, it wasn’t always that way. Saturday morning, we were both given our chores which were laborious and tedious for a small child. My chore was polishing and my brothers was hoovering. Give me that chore now & I would knock it all out in less than 15 mins. Back then it felt like the most unfair thing anyone could’ve given me to do.
For me, I think things began to change when I turned 10 or 11. Suddenly, I had to scrub my socks, wash my underwear, scrub the necks of my shirts along with the rest of my child slave labour chores (I say in jest, before my parents see and get in their feelings! Lol!).
I was forced to watch my mum cook, which again I just couldn’t understand. Why isn’t my brother standing here also? Why doesn’t he need to learn to cook too? I the started to notice other little things too. Men would be served first with the big oval plates, and weren’t required to always sit at the table. Meanwhile, I had to act as the waitress which angered me. Why were the males given special treatment? I couldn’t see anything that warranted this special treatment? What were they doing over and above the women? The older I got, I think the more resentful I became.
Once I became an adult, I realised the benefits of the extra tuition I received. I was domesticated, could cook my ass off and was the hostess with mostest. I knew how to conduct myself in public and you never saw me getting messy in the streets with any passa (drama). So yaaaaaay gold star for me!
But what about all of the men who are not provided with the same life skills? Is it any coincidence that we have certain relationship and societal problems within the community?
I don’t want to spoil the podcast, but we do discuss the range of issues that arise from ‘raising our daughters and loving our sons’.
Have a listen and share your comments below!
Thank you for reading & listening!
Take care of yourselves an especially our children.