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I RAISE MY DAUGHTER & LOVE MY SON

Dionne Simpson-Amuah • Mar 06, 2019
I remember hearing this phrase many moons ago, maybe sometime in my early 20’s. I can’t remember exactly who it was that said it, but it was an admission filled with no regrets.

I didn’t understand it at first. Surely, raising your daughter had to incorporate love as well, so if the boys were only being ‘loved’ then surely they were the ones missing out? In theory, somewhat, but what I didn’t understand was that girls (in a general sense) weren’t receiving the same tenderness as their male siblings.


As the conversation continued, I found myself getting agitated. This was an older woman, who should by now see the error of her ways, but she almost continued talking with a hint or pride.


Growing up, I was annoyed about all of the things I had to do, whilst my eldest brother was left to do as he pleased. I remember endless Saturday nights where I would be stood at the ironing board watching evening TV and making my way through bags of clothes. I hated the injustice. HATED IT! Honestly, I would’ve been less riled if the chores and orders were given out equally.


Mind you, it wasn’t always that way. Saturday morning, we were both given our chores which were laborious and tedious for a small child. My chore was polishing and my brothers was hoovering. Give me that chore now & I would knock it all out in less than 15 mins. Back then it felt like the most unfair thing anyone could’ve given me to do.


For me, I think things began to change when I turned 10 or 11. Suddenly, I had to scrub my socks, wash my underwear, scrub the necks of my shirts along with the rest of my child slave labour chores (I say in jest, before my parents see and get in their feelings! Lol!).


I was forced to watch my mum cook, which again I just couldn’t understand. Why isn’t my brother standing here also? Why doesn’t he need to learn to cook too? I the started to notice other little things too. Men would be served first with the big oval plates, and weren’t required to always sit at the table. Meanwhile, I had to act as the waitress which angered me. Why were the males given special treatment? I couldn’t see anything that warranted this special treatment? What were they doing over and above the women? The older I got, I think the more resentful I became.


Once I became an adult, I realised the benefits of the extra tuition I received. I was domesticated, could cook my ass off and was the hostess with mostest. I knew how to conduct myself in public and you never saw me getting messy in the streets with any passa (drama). So yaaaaaay gold star for me!


But what about all of the men who are not provided with the same life skills? Is it any coincidence that we have certain relationship and societal problems within the community?


I don’t want to spoil the podcast, but we do discuss the range of issues that arise from ‘raising our daughters and loving our sons’.


Have a listen and share your comments below!


Thank you for reading & listening!


Take care of yourselves an especially our children.



Dionne xx


by Dionne Simpson 13 Jul, 2022
personally, as soon as I was faced with the notion that my relationship with my ex-husband would not survive, we discussed at length how we would conduct ourselves. We discussed finances, how we would deal with future relationships, mutually agreed on how we would parent and left no stone unturned. our daughters well-being was the priority and everything else came afterwards. yet, despite these discussions and writing things on paper, we still faced some of the same hurdles that millions of other co-parents do. sometimes it is nearly impossible to avoid friction at some point in the journey, particularly when everything is fresh and new to everyone. one question I always ask myself when it comes to co-parenting in the face of adversity is, 'does this benefit my daughter?' . if the answer is no, I just won't allow myself to behave or respond in a way that is detrimental to her or the co-parenting relationship. does that mean I back down? no. but what it means is that I approach all conversations and disagreements respectfully and as calmly as possible. a breakdown in healthy communication gets neither party anywhere, and if both are sincere and care enough, the Childs needs will always come first. realistically, Things may not always go smoothly when co-parenting. It helps to be clear about what your most important goals are for the future. Here are two that you might want to consider: To commit to supporting your children in having a free and uncomplicated relationship with the other parent. To keep whatever feelings you have about each other separate from your co-parenting relationship. These principles can serve as foundations for everything you do as co-parents.
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