‘I Don’t Think I Believe In Monogamy’
Welcome back to season two of Love Laid Bare and we are starting off with a bang! If you’re wondering why we have been missing for such a long time, please see our previous post.
This episode is quite a rarity.
I say this because it is very seldom that you can find someone who is willing to tell it like it is, warts and all.
Today’s guest Louisa is personable, professional, a business owner, articulate and a loving mother of one.
Louisa could be your sister, best friend or your favourite co-worker. The person you can tell everything, lean on them through hard times and that person that will have your back unconditionally.
She could also be the type of woman you despise at the very same time.
Louisa explicitly states that she has never been faithful, bar one relationship whilst studying at University. Her reasoning may surprise you.
She has struggled to stay monogamous throughout her casual relationships, whilst being engaged and even when married.
The irony of her story is that she understands and has felt the pain of being ‘cheated on’, so how did she ended up having an affair with a married man?
I felt it was important for Louisa to tell her story.
We covered female infidelity in a previous blog and podcast titled, Infidelity: When The Man Is The Victim.
In that episode we were able to hear how men are affected by the women that they love who cheat.
I try to tailor each podcast to the tone that the person I’m interviewing sets. I’ve learnt that trying to push someone deeper than they want to go, doesn’t always work.
That being said I allow my guests the space to explore their own thoughts, whilst asking the necessary questions for clarity.
Arguably, you could say that there is little sympathy for those who choose a life of infidelity.
It is, however, still important to hear their side. What can we all learn from their story?
What are they seeking that they cannot seem to find in person after person?
The picture often painted of an adulterous woman is rarely kind, but I am a strong believer that there are always factors that make us the way we are.
No one is immune from the act of infidelity, lets firstly make that clear. We are all human and we are bound to make mistakes at some point in our lives. Flirty emails, lunch dates with the ‘work husband/wife’ and engaging in anything physical could be deemed as crossing the line.
Love Laid Bare is not a platform for judgement, instead we try to gain understanding.
Personally, I have been on the receiving end of habitual adulterous behaviour. It damages your self-esteem, it can make you question nearly every woman who crosses the path of your partner and can almost turn you insane.
Following our chat, I was asked by a friend how I felt after speaking with a woman who has been seeing a married man. Being honest, I experienced an array of feelings.
They ranged from disappointment to strong empathy.
In order for me to heal from my own situation I had to put myself in the shoes of the other woman. What are they missing and why do they not value themselves?
Does this excuse this behaviour, absolutely not.
Did it make me feel better once I obtained a level of understanding, somewhat.
What it did do was aid me in my journey of understanding and healing.
I learnt not to take it personally and that this was not a plight to break up my marriage from sheer jealousy.
More often than not, most of these women are having their emotions toyed with and are manipulated.
Understand that she is also at home crying at night, eventually.
With that being said, we do not know all of Louisa’s story or what trauma’s she has experienced that have led her to be consistently unfaithful.
‘Let He Without Sin Cast The First Stone’, comes to mind.
What I do know is that Louisa in essence is no different to you or me. She loves, she hurts, she achieves and she wants the best for her child.
Listen to her story here and feel free to leave your though below.
If you have been personally affected by anything in this story and would like some support, please go to our Resources Page for a list of support services.
I hope you enjoy the first show of this season!
Thank you and take care of yourself.